Wednesday, October 26, 2011

New Fights, Old Foes

These last couple of weeks  of fasting from desserts and tv have had some unexpected results.  I haven't lost weight and I haven't caught up on all the laundry and ironing.  That has been a little unexpected.....

Insecurities and feelings I haven't dealt with much since our early married years in Andrews and Paradise have surfaced.  Daily, I find myself seeking escape from frustration.  Not enough time, too many responsibilities, too many needy students, feeling distant from my husband, too tired, can't sleep, guilt over not being a good enough cook or mom or hostess or teacher.  I guess I had these neatly folded and placed aside while I watched TV and ate cookies.

As I wrestle with these feelings, I call out to God, "Deliver me from this junk!"  I know where these painful shards come from, someone who wants to "steal, kill, and destroy."  So why can't I shake them off with my shield of faith?

I know I need to fight with the sword of the Spirit, but I'm a girl.  I don't like being the "warrior" type.
Today, I was reading the 7th Yada Yada Prayer Group novel, and God spoke to me.

"Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear...For in the time of trouble, He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock."  From Psalm 27

It may seem strange, but I'm finding huge relief imagining myself walking away from what I am afraid people think toward a white tented pavilion, or tabernacle.  I'm safe.  I'm redeemed.  He loves me!

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